Are we emotionally intelligent enough?

A new yardstick that we are being judged by is our personal prime human qualities that matter so much – our Emotional Intelligence.

Often, it may be misconstrued as being ‘nice’ – but I would say that in simple terms, it is, in fact, being ‘smart’. ‘Smart’ in a different way is what it is, that seems to matter both in our professional as much as in our personal excellence, in ways which matter more than just technical expertise or book learning alone.

“Hello, do you remember me…I remember you…” said the doctor to her patient. It was all polite, but it left me, the onlooker, with an unusual sadness. The patient, diagnosed of an irreversible infirmity, had her face lifted toward the doctor, eyes scanning in earnest, hopefulness written all across her expression, while the doctor, all the while looking everywhere else except at the patient in front of her, was unconcerned and nonchalantly repeating that one line. It shattered my heart.

The incident moves me even today, tears well up as I write these lines on recall. Some might call me an ‘emotional fool’, I’d prefer instead ‘An emotional being’, who’d rather be called human’.

That which enables us to perceive, evaluate and be aware of another’s emotional situation, besides our own, is what is termed Emotional Intelligence.

The doctor in this case (who’s also another emotional creature), was the one who was unable to act beyond the conditioned ‘stimulus and response’ process and thus was unable to perceive or evaluate, let alone be aware of another’s emotion. The result — she’d already been blocked from my list.

We often do and say things in our everyday that may cause many an uncomfortable encounter or situation, sometimes done out of an emotional outburst, or in many cases, done out of our lack of understanding or concern about another’s emotions and feelings.

How often have you and I said a “How are you?” without attaching an ounce of true intent to the question, but just as a sign of pure courtesy only?

How often have we pushed aside a friend’s, a neighbour’s or even a family member’s true need for a listening ear, with an “oh everyone has problems, you are not the only one”, or shrugged it off with a “this is Life, we’ve got to face it”?

While our status and posts on social media is more often our best face forward, best pose and best surroundings, so what leaves me baffled and unable to comprehend is the need for some people to take upon themselves the right to click snap shots of those who may be laid-up infirmed and at their worst on a sick bed, with no form of empathy or respect towards their need of privacy.

Emotional intelligence could be considered innate, and yet, we would be better equipped to be made aware of what it is that we need to look out for and how we could manage it, rather than have it manage us. It is a skill that is so needed in our daily social lives — a skill of sensitivity so required in our everyday, which we seem to suppress, holding it back and numbing it out of all forms of sensation, considering it a form of weakness or simply irrelevant, which stands far from the truth.

Let it not be allowed to suffer from a fundamental lack of respect.

It is a skill, clearly crucial enough to be developed, to promote us in our careers and personal relationships – to excel and move forward in life as an all-around success. A skill, so subtle and yet bearing properties of a strong, lasting impact.

In its basic form, it is packaged with (self) awareness and cognition distinct from intellectual intelligence – no amount of innumerable accolades or degrees would ever add up or hold against it.

The effects of these gaps in our intelligence can have serious negative consequences for both individuals and the organisation as a whole.

The fact remains that emotional intelligence cannot be learned from textbooks; however, the cognitive patterns of mental processes that impact how people respond & react to the world around them ( which is usually one’s natural mental or emotional outlook) are made up of a set of abilities that can be learned and applied to every part of our life. Such skills, recognised as soft skills, enable us to adapt and behave constructively, to deal effectively with the obstacles of the professional and everyday.

Becoming aware of how our reactions change in response to different situations, managing our emotional reactions, but leaving them unpractised, will keep them underdeveloped. When you are aware, you make the effort to do so. This is my attempt at putting forward the necessity of us waking up to it and pursuing it.